Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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