I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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