You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
