My sheets look like a crime scene.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It's official drugs can't kill me
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
