i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
