ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
