would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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