Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
