she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
