Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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