There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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