$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
