You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
