I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
