i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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