i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
