I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
