im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
