I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
