capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
