you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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