It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Randomize
