Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
