He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
