Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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