You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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