i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
