i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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