I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
