This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
