That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
