he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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