Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
