just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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