I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
