Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
