I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
