i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
