so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I deserve this hangover.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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