Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
