I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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