Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
