You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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