It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
