dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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