so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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