im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
