Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
