Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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