i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
