What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
