then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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