the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
